


Not Right Away, At Least

by Delia_Sky



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Someone's dead, Tragedy, im sorry, my god what have i done, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:13:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delia_Sky/pseuds/Delia_Sky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't feel anything when it happens. Not right away, at least.</p><p>(What was I thinking using present tense? I have a dead wish, guys, a dead wish)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Right Away, At Least

You don’t feel anything when it happens, not right away. Only an “Oh,” passes your lips when he doesn’t wake up from his sleep. He never will anymore.

You try shaking him, but he doesn’t budge.

There’s no “Good morning. Did I oversleep?”

There’s no “Thanks for waking me up.”

There’s no “Tsukki, you look cute with your bedha—ah! Sorry, Tsukki! I didn’t mean to say that! I-I mean, Kei!”

Just a deafening silence as your “Oh,” breaks it.

It’s so quiet you could’ve sworn you can hear his heartbeat. But that’s a lie. It doesn’t beat. Not anymore.

You don’t feel anything when it happens, not right away, at least.

But if numbness is a feeling, then it is what you’ve been feeling since the second you realize Tadashi won’t open his eyes anymore.

* * *

 

The people at funeral whisper how strong you are. Some people whisper how cold you are. Some don’t say anything because they know what’s going on in your head.

Nothing.

You don’t feel anything. Your mind is a vast space of blankness. It isn’t twisted like how it usually is. It isn’t filled with demeaning retorts you usually so good at making.

When you throw his ash to the sea because his mother just can’t bear the task, you feel like you are throwing him away, a little by little. First handful feels like you are throwing his arms, the second one feels like his legs, then his head, his torso.

The last remaining ash isn’t even a spoonful. But it feels the heaviest in your hand as you let the wind carries it into the surface of the water and it dissolves into the sea. It feels like you’re throwing memories of him.

Yet, you don’t feel anything.

Not right away, at least.

* * *

 

When you finally come home, you realize this place isn’t your home anymore.

Home is where Tadashi waited for you. Where he smiled at you. Where he was alive and warm and not dead and pale _and cold_.

He is your home. Was your home.

Then it hits you like a ton of bricks.

He’s dead, you won’t meet him anymore.

There will no longer be any “Good morning. Did I oversleep?”

There will no longer be any “Thanks for waking me up.”

There will no longer be any “Tsukki, you look cute with your bedha—ah! Sorry, Tsukki! I didn’t mean to say that! I-I mean, Kei!”

_There will no longer be any “Kei, I love you.”_

You don’t feel anything when the realization comes. Not right away, at least.

But slowly, slowly, you feel something clogging your airway as the first sob escapes your mouth, your cry filling the deafening silence.

You don’t feel numb anymore.

Just hurt, and lost. And alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment, please? *puppy eyes no jutsu*


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